Day 19~ Words that our kids should know how to use.

Yesterday, I posted about teenagers and dating. There’s so much more I wanted to say and that I could have/should have said. But I’ll leave it for another day.  Regardless of whether you agreed with me or not, you have to concede that it is important to know where you stand on the issues of dating, sex and more of these pressing social issues.  We’re raising the next generation and at the core of our methods in child-rearing and teaching is the fundamentals of our belief system.  Do you ascribe to a Biblical Worldview or a Relative Worldview?  Do you hold up your decisions to the Word of God or do you go with whatever feels good in the moment? This is really important.  You cannot use a scriptural basis for one decision but throw it out for the next.  Consistency is key and if you’re going to say that one thing is wrong, then you have to back it up.  Kids are smart. I think in many ways kids are more socially aware now than ever before.  They may not have all the book smarts of previous generations but they’re perceptive and maturing at a faster rate when it comes to their bodies and the life-issues they face.

It has really bothered me how we have softened our language.  A lot of it has come because of a politically correct worldview that says some words are no longer acceptable or are too harsh.  Really, what it boils down to is people are scared. Scared to say what something is.  Scared to call it out.  Scared that someone might be offended. Scared that they might stir things up.  It never used to be that way.  It used to be that for some things there was only one word.

My mom grew up in a family where English was not the mother-tongue.  They spoke Low German.  And if you’ve ever heard Low German or any other German dialect you will understand that some things are better said in German. Stories are funnier. Phrases have life and vigor that really mean nothing in English.   My dad, I never heard him swear or cuss  until I was a teenager.  We were out feeding chickens and I don’t know how it came up but he said *shit*.  I was shocked. We never used such language. In our house, vulgar language, cursing, swearing..absolutely outlawed and truthfully, they are unnecessary words.   I gasped. My dad laughed and said, “It’s chicken shit.  If it’s shit, call it shit.”   I have NEVER forgotten that.   ***If it’s SHIT, call it SHIT.***  That is a profound statement.  And so, what are we teaching our kids by not giving them the correct terms and appropriate language to call things? We’re buffering them from the harshness in the world. We’re shielding them from a certain truthful reality.  Everything is not soft and politically correct.  Things in this world are messy, dirty and uncomfortable. Issues are hard and painful and awful.  If it’s shit, call it shit.

• We call abortion:   terminating a pregnancy .  It’s really Killing a BABY.
• We call pro-abortionists : Pro Choice(hey, I’m all about choice…I like to choose my cereal, my underwear, my clothes, my drink. I like choosing where to go on holidays.  I’m definitely PRO CHOICE.  But I am NOT Pro Abortion)
• We call Anti-abortionists :  Pro Life.  Here’s the problem~ you can be AGAINST abortion but FOR capital punishment or euthanasia.   How is that PRO LIFE?  I am definitely changing my mind on this one.  I used to be okay with capital punishment for child murders, rapists and the like.  But I can’t anymore. My faith is solidly founded on the word of God which says “Thou Shalt Not Kill”
• Pre-Marital Sex~ sounds harmless enough. In fact , we’ve pretty much downplayed this to a point where it is not that big of a deal and up to each person to choose for themselves(as in Pro Choice).  But in reality, this is FORNICATION.  Sounds Biblical and pretty outrageous.  But it is a sin. It is against God’s laws and it used to be illegal(still is in some countries).
• Affairs~ oh, doesn’t that sound nice? An affair can’t be that bad.  Two consenting adults finding love in each other’s arms….oops, but wait.  That’s adultery.  ADULTERY.  Up until a short time ago it was illegal in North America. In fact, it’s still used as grounds for divorce!
• Sexual Assault~ This one bugs me because I don’t know what it means anymore. We hear on the news about all kinds of assault but you never really know if it was rape.  Yes, RAPE.  It is horrible  and awful and it is not to be downplayed.
• Infanticide~ different than abortion because it happens after birth but not bad enough to be murder.  So, legally you can kill a baby in the womb but not when it comes out.  But if you do kill it when it comes out, you won’t be charged with murder..you’ll get a lesser charge of infanticide because somehow a helpless baby is not as bad as killing an older child or adult.  ????
• Homicide/Manslaughter~ we have a multitude of names for murder.  Murder is murder.  Killing is killing.
• Miscarriage~ we used to call that “losing a baby”. WE can’t say that anymore because it might make someone considering abortion feel bad.  Or it might cause more grief than necessary. After all, miscarrying a fetus isn’t something to cry over…you can always try again.  Ummm..no.  A baby is a baby. A baby that dies in your womb is tragic just as a baby dying in your arms.

I’m sure you could think of more.  But what I wanted to convey is that we have softened our language so much that we have actually made some pretty awful  stuff  ”okay”.  Anything can be justified if you use the right language.  Why is it that so many defense attorneys get guilty people off? Because of wording.  Wording carries weight.  It is one reason why I do not condone swearing.  Swearing minimizes the Name of God to something dirty and ignorant.  Cursing(cussing) or vulgar language degrades women,natural body functions and God’s authority.

How do you handle language in your home? Do you care about what comes out of your mouth or your childrens’ mouths?   Do you teach your children the correct usage of words?  It’s something to think about.

Day 6~ Adoption, Steve Jobs and the Value of a Life

In the blogger universe it’s important to not be so tied to one’s agenda that you fail to roll with the inevitable sharp turns that this journey, called Life, can throw your way.  This is one such moment.   In my 31 day series on Loving Your Family, I want to convey to you that it is not so important how your kids dress, how well they do in school or how pulled together you all look on Sunday morning, but rather that you accept the fact that none of us are perfect.  Accept it and then capitalize on the small moments~ seize the day, as it were, to DO something that conveys love, acceptance and joy to your family.

Last evening, Oct. 5, 2011 I got a very short news bulletin that Steve Jobs, the founder of Apple and all things “i” had passed away. I am always saddened when I hear that someone so young has died(he was only 56). I feel for the family and friends~ losing someone is never easy. A lot of people get rather nasty when a celebrity or famous person gets so much attention in the media because there are countless others who die and no one sheds a tear or whispers their name.  Let me just say this: EVERY person has a story to tell. EVERY person is a brother, sister, daughter, son, father or mother.  And in the family of humanity, we are all connected.  We mourn and weep because we relate. We are interested because it could be our story or that of someone close to us. Our human-ness is what defines us: made in the image of an Almighty God, our Creator. If we truly believe we are ALL made in His image then of course we are going to be drawn to the story of one.

In amongst all of the posts and blogs, editorials and news stories that came out last night, there was one in particular that struck a cord with me. It was written by “Buzz Bishop”(I have no idea if that is his real name) in Calgary, AB.  I don’t know if he had any idea at the time, what a profound statement he was making about the value of a life but it sure made the point.  Here is an excerpt:

 *****56 years ago a girl got pregnant. Her parents didn’t approve. All of this almost never happened.

In 1954, Abdulfattah John Jandali and Joanne Simpson were a young couple in Wisconsin. Joanne became pregnant and her parents forbid the couple from marrying. Without notice, the Simpsons left for San Francisco where she would give birth to a boy on February 24, 1955. Days later the infant was adopted by Paul and Clara Jobs and given the same Steve.

Jobs never spoke about his biological father, but did keep in touch with Joanne Simpson inviting her to some of his family gatherings. In a 1997 New York Times article he appeared grateful for her long-ago decision to have him and put him up for adoption.

 “There was never any acrimony between us,” he says. Yet, biological roots aside, Jobs holds a firm belief that Paul and Clara Jobs were his true parents. A mention of his “adoptive parents” is quickly cut off. “They [were] my parents,” he says emphatically. 

Thank you Steve, but, more importantly thanks to Paul and Clara Jobs for opening their hearts, their homes and their lives.

Without them, we wouldn’t have this.

Disclosure: This subject is close to me. My wife is adopted. All of my life as I know it almost never happened too.****

All of my life(since I was 2) I have been a part of a family of 3 girls. I have maybe one tiny memory of life before my little sister was born but quite honestly, I’ve never known my family without her. I remember the day we picked her up.  She was wrapped in a pink blanket, 2 months old, and full of squishy, cuddly goodness.  My parents never hid the fact that she was adopted. We all knew the word well and as far as I was concerned, adoption was just another way of being born~ like c-section, or at home by midwife, or in a hospital~ normal.

I never introduced my sister or thought of her as “the adopted one”.  I have an older sister and a younger sister~ I am the middle. And to me, that was more of an issue than how any of us came to be in our family.  My sister has had a chance to meet her birth mom and know a bit of the story~ a young teen girl, unmarried and unable to care for a baby.  I can’t imagine my life or the life of our family without one of my sisters in it.  It’s always been the three of us~ always. How could it be anything else?  I am so thankful to the young girl, who in the midst of her fear , made a choice that someday the baby inside her would have a life and would have the opportunity to BE.

Last week, a documentary film was released on the internet in an effort to educate the world about what abortion is and why it is wrong. I encourage everyone to take 33 minutes to watch it~ it is well done and thought provoking.  Say what you will, but the fact is this: babies are being killed for the sake of convenience.  I was watching a lot of comment boards following the release of this film and it always amazes me the arguments people will use in defending the “right for a woman to choose”.  Very often there will be those who say that it is better that a baby not be given a chance to live in order to save them from a “terrible life”. Meaning that a single mother or a low-income family is somehow inferior to a rich, upper class couple raising a child. Hmmm…I was raised for most of my life by a single mother and we were very poor. If my parents would have made that choice based on those issues…..well, the story would be very different, wouldn’t it? You wouldn’t be reading this now, for one.  But beyond that comment I wonder how it is that anyone feels that they are somehow the BEST judge to decide that a child will have “no life” or a “terrible life”??  Steve Jobs’ birth mom , we are thankful, did not make that decision but instead allowed a loving couple to take up where she left off.  Can you imagine your world without iPods, iPhones and the internet?  Maybe someone else would have come along and figured it out eventually, but really, in our lifetime there have been few creative geniuses like him.  I don’t know where Steve Jobs’ heart was at upon his death.  I sure hope that  in his final months or days or hours he sought out the Lord, the Giver of ALL Life and begged for mercy. Mercy because even though he may have been one of the wealthiest men, with one of the greatest technical legacies ever…he was still a man, with sin in his heart , in need of a Saviour. And at the end of all of our lives that is who we are. We are all united in the humanity of our successes and failings.  Choosing Life means choosing Jesus.  John 10:10 Jesus says, “I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly. “

If you believe that Steve Jobs’ life was worth saving. If you believe that he is a gift to this world. Then you have to believe that every child is a gift with a potential and a future.  I am thankful for my friends and my family whose parents rightly chose that they were precious and valuable.  Where would YOU be without the people around you? Be thankful for all of those who were saved from abortion, saved by adoption and saved by selfless love.

Watch now:

 

 

To see links to the previous 5 days’ posts, click here.