Lessons in faith. I’ve had a few this summer. Actually, life is full of lessons but let’s be clear: most of them are pretty easy to learn. So, tough lessons, when they come are not fun. And when it comes to faith~ the act of trusting and believing in something you cannot see~ well that is a whole new school of learning.
Today’s lesson in trust looks something like this:
I’m walking along a path with debris and rocks. It is uncomfortable but not impassable. Thankfully, I can still see the path ahead….that is until it ends. It ends because there’s a cliff. I have come to a deep cavern, a ravine. There is a straight drop down to rocks, a river and nothing else. I look and see a branch and it looks fairly sturdy. Part of a tree, I suppose and it has fallen across this deep canyon. But here’s the problem. I’m deathly afraid of heights; like, I’m paralyzed by the fear of being up that high and not having any safety net. I can see the other side and it’s lovely and the path continues….but I need to get there. Jesus is beside me and he’s going to walk with me, but first he asks me to do something: put on a blindfold. I am horrified. I can’t do it; I won’t do it. How can I do something so ridiculous and so scary? Even though I know he’s going to lead me I’m still petrified. I guess I don’t trust him as much as I thought I did. Or maybe , I’m letting my fear of heights decide for me.
I put on the blindfold. In order to get to the other side, I have to trust Him. And I want to go, I need to go, but it’s hard.
So, I step out, His hand in mine. I feel the branch move slightly and I’m afraid. He calms me and then we move forward again. The branch shifts. It creaks, it even sounds like it’s breaking, but still we move forward. This is the scariest thing I’ve done in my life and actually, I think it’s the stupidest! What am I thinking? It was fine on the other side~ I don’t HAVE to go over to that new side. I can STAY where I am and it will be fine. And truly, it will be. Jesus will still be with me and my life will still be in His hands. But, that’s not the BEST place for me. And if I stay I will only be living within the perimeter of limitation that I have always lived. I will not be risking new experiences, finding new joys and journeys. My decision comes down to this: Can I truly be all that God wants me to be if I stay? The answer is ‘No’. I’m limited and I’ve seen and done all I can do so I have to move on. And so, we move forward.
I have now come to the halfway part of this crazy walk across the valley of fear and indecision. I am still afraid but now I’m more afraid to go back and start over than to just keep going. We’re moving forward…
Here’s the reality: We moved before our house was sold, put in an offer before we had money to do so and moved into a house that we have not purchased with the agreement that all of the financial requirements would be dealt with prior to Oct. 1 Conditions come off Sept. 21. In case anyone is wondering , that is tomorrow.
Our bank has stalled and we haven’t got a sale on our house. We are walking blindly, across the scariest , darkest path we’ve ever been in our lives. I wondered today why I am not afraid. I wondered why I’m not freaking out. Oh yes, I know, it’s because Jesus is walking with me. Well, I’m wondering and questioning. I don’t really understand why and how this is all going to play out. But we are moving across and we are going to get to the other side. I just don’t know how long it will take and I don’t know how many more times this branch is going to shift. But I know Who holds my hand.
…”Lord please help me
Raise my hand so you can lift me up, Hold me close, hold me tighter….”