Feeling Used

I want to be careful how I word this and I want there to be clarity in understanding what I’m about to say.

****DEEP BREATH****

I’m being used.  I think I realized it a while ago; probably years ago.  Sometimes when someone uses you , you choose to let it go and understand that we all get used by people we love at different times.   My kids use me to get clothes they like, slurpees after school and extra TV time.  They promise me good behaviour and clean rooms, folded laundry and finished dishes.   My husband uses me…..well duh.  He’s a man.  Actually, when he uses me I know he loves me. It’s all good.

But recently I’ve noticed that I’m being used in a way that I never really saw coming or expected.  I started this little blog to keep some family updated on what we were doing and to find a place to lay my worries out so that I could step back and get perspective.   And then it started.  At first it was an e-mail.  Then there were phone calls.  Soon there was pressure and encouragement but also a lot of  fear.   I’m being used for someone else’s purposes.  My experiences are being fueled in order to get more out of me.   Just when I think our lives will become mundane and boring again, something else happens and I HAVE to tell someone.  I have to tell you.  And you, well YOU  know who you are.  You are feeling pulled.  YOU are discovering that your life is maybe not just all about YOU and what YOU choose.  YOU are finding that there is something more, bigger,deeper.   YOU are being called. Yes, YOU.  YOU know it’s happening because YOU’ve been fighting it but YOU can’t fight it anymore.  YOU need to give in and give up.  YOU need to hold on.  But who are YOU holding on to?  Your bank account?  Your husband? Your kids?  Your house? Your job?   Sorry, but those things aren’t going to help you now.  When I posted earlier about Finding Faith it was because it’s not only me who is finding the faith to carry on.  It is you.  YOU too are finding that faith goes beyond your front door and beyond what you always thought it was.  It’s not about where you go to church or who your pastor is.  It’s not about how big your Bible is or how many Bible studies you attend.  It’s not about your morals or your lack of morals.  It’s not about whether you smoke or don’t, drink or not.   Faith is bigger than all of that.  Faith is God’s way of getting your attention.  If you have nothing to worry about, no bills to pay, no sick child, no troubled marriage and no tormented spirit then how will God get you to listen?   How will He get you to seek Him and find Him?   YOU needed a wake up call and He’s been calling for a long, long time but you haven’t been listening.  Or maybe, you’ve just chosen to ignore Him.  But now you can’t because you know God never gives up.

He’s not giving up because HE wants to use YOU too.  YOU have been given gifts, insights, talents and passions.  YOU have been blessed and now it’s YOUR turn to bless someone else.  If God can use me and this blog, then He can use you and your gifts too.

Yes, I’ve been used.  God is using me.  My troubles are momentary.  They won’t break me.  Even if I’m financially broke, I’ll be fine.  If one person becomes free from the bondage of their guilt, their pain or their ignorance then it’s all worth it.  If one person finds out that Jesus is real and that HE cares, then bring it on!   I will gladly be used.   In fact, I love being used.  Lord, use me.

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