‘Speak now or forever hold your peace,’ the words said by preachers at the end of wedding ceremonies all over the world, right before the vows. It’s a last chance for protest, a moment that makes everyone’s heart race, and a moment I’ve always been strangely fascinated by. So many fantasize about bursting into a church, saying what they’d kept inside for years like in the movies. In real life, it rarely happens.
Real life is a funny thing, you know. In real life, saying the right thing at the right moment is beyond crucial. So crucial, in fact, that most of us start to hesitate, for fear of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. But lately what I’ve begun to fear more than that is letting the moment pass without saying anything.
I think most of us fear reaching the end of our life, and looking back regretting the moments we didn’t speak up. When we didn’t say ‘I love you.’ When we should’ve said ‘I’m sorry.’ When we didn’t stand up for ourselves or someone who needed help.
These songs are made up of words I didn’t say when the moment was right in front of me. These songs are open letters. Each is written with a specific person in mind, telling them what I meant to tell them in person. To the beautiful boy whose heart I broke in December. To my first love who I never thought would be my first heartbreak. To my band. To a mean man I used to be afraid of. To someone who made my world very dark for a while. To a girl who stole something of mine. To someone I forgive for what he said in front of the whole world.’
~ This is the prologue on the album cover of Taylor Swift’s new album, Speak Now. She is wise- so wise for her 20 years.
It is true that we very often refrain from speaking what we really feel and know to be true for fear of
what the repercussions might be.
It is also true that holding back from speaking up can cause just as much pain and regret than not saying anything at all. This is the fine line that many authors face when writing an autobiography or sharing a part of their lives~ when to hold back and when to speak up. This has been one of my greatest regrets in life. As a child and a teenager there were many times I wanted someone to know what I was thinking and feeling but I knew that I might cause pain to one or both of parents. Often, it was easier to keep silent. Somewhere along the way in the past 15 years I found my voice and some would say that I haven’t shut up since! I don’t really know when or why it happened but I used to be oh so shy. So shy I could barely look anyone in the eyes. I’m thankful for random opportunities where I HAD to get up in front of a crowd, a church, a group of people and share something, anything. I fumbled a lot but increasingly I found a way to get over the hurdles. It may shock many of my friends to know that I am still insanely introverted and I have a very hard time sharing personal thoughts and feelings on many subjects. I also have a very hard time meeting new people and warming up to new situations. It drives my husband crazy. He thinks I’m cold and uncaring at times but that’s my way of protecting myself and finding a way to trust people. Don’t get me wrong~ I love people! People are funny and wonderful~ I am a people! But I am still shy. This blog is a way that I have found to say the things that don’t come so easily. Sometimes , it hurts to hear the truth. Sometimes the truth hurts BECAUSE it’s the truth. We live in a world that would rather be lied to than hear the truth. But , the TRUTH shall set you free.