It’s been 6 months since we packed up our house and moved with barely 2 weeks notice. Leaving behind one of the most beautiful places on earth for something somewhat inferior has been a really hard pill to swallow these past few months. I admit that I am not feeling my usual “self” nor am I being a very good role model for my kids. Every day I wake and think I’m going to do better, be productive and shake off the blues. And every night, I go to bed upset with myself that I blew it again. These months have passed by and I have very little to show for it. In the midst of it all~ the move, the sadness, the regrets, we’ve managed to whittle our little bit of financial cushion down to almost nothing. It is scary and sobering.
I keep thinking that God’s going to show up big and everything’s going to be okay….but I’m still waiting for that. It’s tiring. Maybe that’s where my lack of motivation is coming from.
Someone said to me this week that she and her husband keep things simple to avoid the stresses of life. Oh, if only it were that easy. Well , maybe it is, but not for us. We’re sort of restless people I guess. Always feeling like there has to be more, there has to be a break out there for us. If 4.5 years ago we had stayed where we were, this is what I know:
- We would not have snowmobiles and quads for family fun
- Our girls would not be in figure skating and our son likely would have never played football
- We would not have our 2 dogs whom we love to death
- none of our kids (or my husband) would likely be loving skiing and snowboarding like they do OR be as good as they are
- we wouldn’t have met some people who we consider wonderful friends
- we probably wouldn’t have the same experience at church leadership and serving as we’ve been able to do
- we wouldn’t have likely had to rely so heavily on God’s mercy and grace for every facet of our lives…literally.
Yes, there’s so much to look back on and be thankful for. I just hope that we come out of this dark tunnel soon. It’s breaking me down.