Broken and waiting…..

It’s been 6 months since we packed up our house and moved with barely 2 weeks notice.  Leaving behind one of the most beautiful places on earth for something somewhat inferior has been a really hard pill to swallow these past few months.  I admit that I am not feeling my usual “self” nor am I being a very good role model for my kids.   Every day I wake and think I’m going to do better, be productive and shake off the blues.  And every night, I go to bed upset with myself that I blew it again.  These months have passed by and I have very little to show for it.  In the midst of it all~ the move, the sadness, the regrets, we’ve managed to whittle our little bit of financial cushion down to almost nothing.  It is scary and sobering.

I keep thinking that God’s going to show up big and everything’s going to be okay….but I’m still waiting for that.  It’s tiring. Maybe that’s where my lack of motivation is coming from.

Someone said to me this week that she and her husband keep things simple to avoid the stresses of life.  Oh, if only it were that easy.  Well , maybe it is, but not for us.  We’re sort of restless people I guess.  Always feeling like there has to be more, there has to be a break out there for us.   If 4.5 years ago we had stayed where we were, this is what I know:

  • We would not have snowmobiles and quads for family fun
  • Our girls would not be in figure skating and our son likely would have never played football
  • We would not have our 2 dogs whom we love to death
  • none of our kids (or my husband) would likely be loving skiing and snowboarding like they do OR be as good as they are
  • we wouldn’t have met some people who we consider wonderful friends
  • we probably wouldn’t have the same experience at church leadership and serving as we’ve been able to do
  • we wouldn’t have likely had to rely so heavily on God’s mercy and grace for every facet of our lives…literally.

Yes, there’s so much to look back on and be thankful for.  I just hope that we come out of this dark tunnel soon. It’s breaking me down.

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3 thoughts on “Broken and waiting…..

  1. Well I don’t have much to say only that I COMPLETLY understand. I just keep holding on to God cause I know He works when nothing else seems to.

  2. Was it me who said they keep it simple? I think it’s something we can do because our kids are so little. Their needs are simple to meet most of the time. I know life won’t be this way forever…so why not let things stay simple for now you know? And then when I’m in the season you’re in, your kids will be grown up and out of the house and you’ll be back to a more simple existance I bet. It ebbs and flows.

    My friend was talking about how she feels like she’s living in Plan B for her life, waiting for Plan A. I told her God has got her life in His hands and she is smack in the middle of His Plan A. I’m telling you the same thing. When God says go, you guys listen and obey. Not a lot of people have the courage to do that. He’s got you in His hands and this IS Plan A. There is no Plan B in the will of God.

    • No, it wasn’t you. But thanks for that. I re-read my posts from the summer and I know we heard, we moved and we did it all in faith. I’m confidant in our decisions just not confidant with where I’m at right now. We’re being attacked…this much I know. And not handling it well. I’m thankful that we have a renewing weekend ahead of us complete with a full day of Dr. Gary Chapman’s marriage intensive course!!

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