What Your Husband Isn’t Telling You~David Murrow {Book Review}

Wow. Let’s get right to it: this is THE BEST book I’ve read on men. Ever. Blunt. Revealing. Profoundly enlightening.

I’ve been married for almost 21 years and I’ve learned a lot about men that I never knew or understood. I have read a lot of books on marriage and men and our relationship with them.  But I have had questions and some things have never been clear. This book, written by a man, is the answer to pretty much all of those questions.

Written from the viewpoint of a man who was deeply wounded by a difficult past that threatened all of his relationships and who is not shy about addressing a broad range of topics, I found it easy to get into, extremely captivating and thorough in every respect.

Warning: some of this book may come across sexist or even chauvinist.  I would urge all women to read it with an open mind and hear the voice of a man. The fact is, we are different creatures and trying to fit us all into a universal non-specific gender role is NOT working. Read this book and hear the heart of a man.

From the introduction: If the shrinks are right, about 80 percent of a man’s thought processes are opaque-even to him.  This is why committed family men suddenly leave their wives for no reason. Why deacons smile at church and then scream at their children in the car all the way home. Why men who are normally wise with money sink their cash into ridiculous Ponzi schemes. Why men who truly love their families suddenly abandon them- if not physically, then emotionally. -p.7-8

The most telling chapters were those written in the first person perspective of Provider and Protector.  Women, we might have had a clue but we didn’t really understand.

“When your man is secure and balanced as a protector and provider, he’s happy. So is everyone around him. Life is good. But when he’s out of balance in one or both, expect trouble. And that leads us to the great problem with me: most are either over- or underdeveloped as providers and protectors.” ~p.18

This book is a must on every home book shelf. For every woman in a relationship with a man, married or not, I cannot recommend this highly enough.  And yes, there are sections on sex but more so the chapters that reveal the heart of our men are priceless. Women are initiating divorce two-thirds of the time and over 90% of those divorces are not related to abuse but rather, discontentment.

“If you penalize your man each time he tells you his true feelings, here’s the message you are sending: ‘if you want your life to be hell, tell me the truth.If you want things to go smoothly, lie to me; tell me only those things that will keep me happy in my delusions.’ ” ~p.130

The last third of the book addresses something that I rarely gets talked about: a man’s spiritual aversions and his discontent with organized church.  I will admit that there are places where some women may take offense to the generalizations that David Murrow makes but he is careful to not lay blame solely on either men or women but rather on misunderstandings.  Church leaders would do well to read and understand why men are falling away from church in record numbers.

My book is ear-marked, highlighted and written in. I’ll be keeping it close by.  I’m a woman and I need reminders …often.

“So ladies, here’s the big secret to getting the man you want: Stop trying to improve him. Stop trying to fix him. Start trying to free him.” ~p.159


UPDATED: From my FB page came this comment from Jenna: “On your urging I read it tonight and liked it a lot. I appreciated that he was direct and to the point, without being wordy and redundant. I find a lot of Christian books on marriage, gender and family that are written by men to come off as patronizing, by this one wasn’t like that.”

“Book has been provided courtesy of Baker Publishing Group and Graf-Martin Communications, Inc.
Available at your favourite bookseller from Bethany House, a division of Baker Publishing Group”.

I receive no monetary compensation for reviewing books.


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