Can I tell you guys something? Sometimes I’m the worst wife in the world. Sometimes I don’t brush my teeth, comb my hair, wear anything remotely flattering, make supper or clear a path to the bathroom. Some days I’m an angry slob with a selfish agenda. I hate those days. I’m not proud of them. But I would be lying to you if I did a series on marriage and pretended like those days don’t exist. They do. And guess what? My husband may not like me very much , but he still loves me and he stays with me.
I’m not telling you this so you think he’s some sort of hero. He’s not. And neither am I for staying with him when I think he’s being an insensitive jerk. But this is real life. And just as your mother or father had to deal with you having a jerk-faced idiotic day once in a while, so too will your spouse have to deal with it. And you’ll have to deal with their crap load of pissy moods and irresponsible behaviour. Marriage is not a magic state of being where suddenly everyone grows up and behaves like perfectly lovely human beings to each other. Marriage is the honest working out and the coming together of two very imperfect people who are trying (and sometimes not very well) to live at peace with one another and maybe actually have some fun doing it. If you are looking to marriage to *smarten up* all the bad habits your boyfriend or girlfriend have, whoa-you are in for a very rude awakening. If your boyfriend is a jerk now, he will continue being a jerk while you are married. Is that sobering enough for you? If your girlfriend is a drama queen now, she will continue to be a drama queen. You cannot change someone’s habits or character traits by simply putting a white dress and a ring on their finger. It just doesn’t work and maybe that’s why there are so many people far and away from the one they pledged their life too.
Shake it off.
All those good things that make you want to be with her/him? They’re still there. STILL. And they always will be. Is he loyal and kind to his friends and family? Guess what? He’ll be loyal and kind to you and your family. Is she a great cook? Guess what? She’s going to get better. Like really- she will GET BETTER. Does he make you laugh? He will make you laugh 10 years and 20 years and 30 years from now. And he’ll be funnier and you will laugh longer and louder. Do you love holding his hand? Don’t ever stop reaching for it. Even on the bad days.
Sometimes I’m just a bad wife. And other days he’s a bad husband . And then we get over it and we love each other and hold hands and kiss and we remember that we chose this.
We. Chose. Each other.
Sometimes you have to stop looking for something better and realize that better happens day by day, moment by moment, failure by failure. Your better is the guy who is sitting across the table from you. Your better is the girl who is going to change her name for you. Better is this.
So today, I’m going to try to be a better wife than I was yesterday. And whatever mistakes I make I know that tomorrow I will wake up, still married and we’ll try again.