Day 20~ Married People on Facebook

I’m married, so is my husband. 😉

The reason I say that is sometimes we women forget that there are TWO of us in this. You know that whole thing about the two shall become one? Well, that’s a real thing. And it really matters how you conduct yourself online as a married person.

So without belabouring this, let me just give you a few brief guidelines for how my husband and I approach our Facebook lives as a married unit.  We are two individuals with two individual friend lists but we operate under the assumption that we speak for each other and respect each other:

1. NEVER, EVER EVER EVER throw your spouse under the bus in a status, comment or other post on Facebook. If you wouldn’t want it done to you, don’t do it to them.

2. Never be cryptic in your posts all the while stewing about something your spouse said or did or didn’t do. Chances are, even if no one else clues in, your spouse will and that’s betrayal of trust right there.

3. If your spouse is NOT on Facebook they should have 100% unlimited access to your account- inbox, privacy settings etc. This is about open trust.

4. Don’t inbox “friends” of the opposite sex other than what would be a normal conversation if your spouse were there. And this is a tricky one because there are grey areas- surprise birthdays, gifts, etc.  HOWEVER,  when you carry on a conversation in an inbox, you are building intimacy. Which is very natural. But when you build intimacy over a long period of time with someone you are not married to, who is not family, you are asking for trouble. I will leave it at that.

5. Keep your arguments off the internet. I cannot tell you how many women(particularly) have aired their dirty laundry on Facebook and done real and lasting damage to their marriages.  Your marriage is private. Your routine, normal, everyday struggles as a husband and wife are no one else’s business. If you have an issue, deal with it offline and in person. If you berate or disrespect your spouse on Facebook, I will defriend you. No question.

6. The opposite of above is essential: brag about, honor, bless and respect your spouse in “public” on Facebook. You don’t have to be gross or sappy, but be real and encouraging. This goes a LONG LONG way to building trust, respect and good communication in a marriage.

Anyone have anything to add?  I’m a big proponent that married folks have either a joint account or are both on Facebook. It never bodes well if only one is on and the other feels left out or ignored.

For all of my posts in this series on Facebook 101, click HERE. 

From last year’s 31 Days series on Redeeming Christmas:  Christmas in a Box 

One thought on “Day 20~ Married People on Facebook

  1. I love this post. I have never been one to air my laundry online. I find it childish and would never fight in front of these people if they were in my home so doing it online is just as bad. Your relationships are private and should remain so.

    But that is my opinion. Its sad that an article like this needs to be written but people should read this.

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