What Marriage is For

We, {He and I}, are in the 20th year of practicing marriage.  We practice daily and sometimes we fail miserably. But mostly, we’re getting better. Practice makes perfect and a perfect marriage is only a Heaven’s breath away.

I know that for many of you reading this, marriage isn’t fun or good or even desirable.  I also know that some of you have practiced, failed and given up.  And there are more of you who are trying it again with someone new.  I don’t claim to have the answers but I do know this: when marriage is practiced and learned and done God’s way, it works.  It works because it’s God’s plan.

Anyone can have a relationship.  Anyone can choose to love someone and be intimate with them. Relationships are easy to get and easy to leave. We friend people on Facebook and follow them on Twitter. We e-mail and text and call and write and all of it is great and none of it is special.  Relationships are a dime a dozen, sadly.  There’s nothing wrong with having 100 friends and there’s nothing wrong with only 1.

But marriage; marriage is sacred and holy and reserved seating only.  Marriage is for ONE.

When marriage is right and used to its fullest potential, there is only one and there will only ever be ONE.  That’s what marriage is for.

Regularly I read and hear news of some other state or country or province or group attempting to redefine marriage.  How do we, people, redefine what God himself created? How do we presume to take His most holy earthly relationship and cut it up, serve it out like pie and have everyone partake?  Marriage is not up for grabs. It is not on the market.  It is not entertaining takeover bids.  Marriage is non-negotiable.

And this is not the part where I get on a soapbox and talk about how homosexuals don’t deserve to be married or how polygamists should get their day in court.  Honestly, that is between them and God.  If a man chooses to have 4 wives and another man chooses to have one husband and yet another chooses to never marry but sleep with as many women as he can~none of that is about marriage. All of it is about morality and your relationship with God and your dishonor of His word and His holy matrimony.  To me it is a non-issue that states and governments spend so much time and effort on who should get to be married and who should not. Marriage is God’s.  And people make choices.  And choices are judged…by God, not man.

Marriage is more than rings and gowns.  It is more than bouquets and cake, bowties and bridesmaids.  Marriage is not a paper signed by witnesses or a  one day event we dress up to attend.  Marriage is bigger, deeper, stronger , fuller and richer than I can describe or live.

It is supernatural in its beginnings; that TWO individual people can be joined into ONE FLESH with the heartbeat of God at the very core of its existence. That is miraculous, inexplicable and mind-bending.

It simply cannot be discussed, renewed or lived out without God because He created the capacity for us to be able to live with the same person, only grow in love, for days,months, years and decades.

When the thank-you cards have all been sent and the dishes are dirty in the sink.  When bills pile up and someone needs to work and someone needs to sacrifice ….that’s what marriage is for.

When doctor visits make you cry and babies are born in the snowstorm late at night.  And sitting in that rocking chair all night makes you lose your mind and lose sleep….that’s what marriage is for.

When the dog pees on the carpet and the vacuum is plugged but the kids need food…that’s what marriage is for.

Two heads are better than one and two hearts can tackle a teenager better than one any day of the week. Two hands held tight in the storm make fear take the backseat to faith.

When words fall off the page and you can’t write or think or know what to do next….and he pulls up a chair and holds your hand and looks into your eyes and helps make that mess of words into something beautiful….that’s what marriage is for.

When you can’t stand him because he doesn’t get you and he walks away sad and lonely and defeated…….Marriage scoops  you both up and holds you until the words come out right and the heart is broken and humbly you crawl into each others’ waiting arms and start all over again.  THIS is what marriage is for.

Marriage is the safety net that catches you when you fall from the tightrope you’re on because you think you know what you want and then you fall because you had no  idea why you went out there to begin with.

Anyone can live together and make breakfast and babies.  Anyone can romance you when you’re fit and fertile.  But when pantyhose get replaced with sweatpants and a made up face gets replaced with dark circles and  the bra doesn’t fit like it used to……THAT’s what Marriage is for.

The beauty and the ugliness.  The sicknesses and screaming.  The laughing and the learning.   People give up to soon. Don’t give up.

When you get past the I wants and You shoulds and I wish.  When you learn to stay quiet and love through.  When you have patience and wait. When you give more than you take.  When you laugh more than you cry.  When your crying gets you a shoulder to cry on instead of a list of how to fix it.  When you can’t wait to see him at the end of the day and he wraps his arm around you even though your waist is wider than it was last year.  THIS.

THIS is what Marriage is for.